Mysuestories' Very First Contest!!!

OK, constant reader, I do believe there are millions, or thousands, hundreds (at least TWO?) of you reading this without commenting ( and most likely not admitting it to a soul, huh?) Me neither, and it's MY blog!

Well, I believe, I believe, I BELIEVE!!!!!! And now, I'm hoping to prove it....

My right hand man (no, not the Mountain Man...my OTHER right hand man), my trusty laptop, needs a name. So, you, constant reader, are invited to a christening of sorts.

I'm asking for appropriate names for dear lap top. Here at mysuestories manor, I've blog-labeled my husband (Mountain Man), my step son (most honorable son number one), my upper-teen (the three toed sloth), and the tween ager (the gaming addict). But one of my most precious dependants(Yes, I DID claim it on my taxes!!!!) is as nameless as a red headed step child!

Anyone can (and I hope ) WILL enter! Just leave a message in the comments section of this here blog, and (I will jump for joy, sing HALLELUJAH, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, and do cartwheels in the FRONT yard) on Wednesday, April 1, 2009, some time that evening, EST, I will pick and post the winning lap top name.

And, because I'm a gambling woman (NEVER let me loose with cash at a Chinese auction!!!!), there simply HAS to be prize for best lap top name.

Get ready, fans! Be still....
Here it is....

From Contests and Giveaways

That's right! It's a shower gel/body lotion/bath salt/loofah sponge extravaganza!!!!! And it's in the scent of Sweet Pomegranate! (ain't that the fruit that's supposed to be so healthy and cleansing to drink?--Well, just imagine sloshing your entire body in it!! I feel better already! And....no pits!!!! Can the Real Pomegranate say that? Didn't think so!
(Couldn't ya just cry, it's so purty?)

Anyway, I know it ain't much, but it is F R E E! And it could be all yours!
Simply submit those lap top names and I will ship this beauty of a PRIZAPALOOZA off to YOUR home!!!
And...If you have a blog or web site or cause to promote or maybe a new friend with benefits you'd like to share with the entire blogosphere.....I will personally write a promotional blog.

And yes, doubting Thomas...I know April 1st is April Fool's Day. But not here at mysuestories manor, where quite frankly, EVERY day is April Fool's! April 1st is our first big giveaway day!!!!!

(pssstt-- PLEASE don't make me have to mail this SWAG BAG to myself...I will if I have to, but if I can't even BUY a comment? Well, this tee hee little site just might take a dark turn, ya know? )

Enter as often as you like...winner will be picked based on mysuestories distorted sense of humor, and all MY decisions are final....

And constant reader? Both lap top and I thank you for reading. AND for giving lappy a new moniker!!!!!


I HOPE the Mountain Man isn't the ONLY person that enters. Then I'd have to ask him for the $$$ to mail the PRIZAPALOOZA to him!!!! And while I'm all for self gratification.. that just seems so sad...Sigh.

Wired

We are officially a "connected" family here at mysuestories manor. Wirelessly connected, but held together by a very strong bond indeed!

First I log on Facebook. (Yes,dear interventionists, I am still using, however, I'm down to about two hits a day. Ok, ok, sometimes, three or six, but none of that all nighter stuff, I promise. Really.)

So, I pick up my drug of choice,er, I mean, I log on to Facebook and I start surfing my comments, catching up with my fellow 12 step dropouts. I go click on to "Show More Comments", and windows explorer tells me I am "Out of Memory at line 23".

Lines? Who was doing lines? And 23!?! Shit! Who even does that crap any more?

Furthermore, I was over thirty-five when my memory started to go, nowhere near 23.

Then, my facebook page movements slowed down to a crawl. I'm slamming keys and cursing the Gods of Bill Gates Brain, and nothing is going my way.

Then, Internet Explorer is experiencing a problem, and wants to shut down. Internet Explorer is having a goddamn problem? What about mysuestories issues?

The Mountain Man, the member of our family least likely to actually use electronics of any kind, heads to the dungeon beneath our house and tries to decipher a gaggle of thousands of wires. By some miracle of St. Gates, the patron saint of the internet, the Mountain Man shuts down our wireless service for a mere nano second before rebooting the system.

Within seconds, the waking dead are screeching their death call here at mysuestories mansion of maniacs.

Most honorable son number one:"Hey, who messed up my internet connection?!"
Son number three, our gaming addict, is frothing at the mouth as he sputters, "MY X BOX LIVE IS BROKEN!!!!!"
Um, yea, that and two window panes from the shrill sonic vibrations of his primal screams.
Mercifully, son number two was spared this excruciating agony by being at a friend's house with uninterrupted wireless service the day the music died.

And then there's mysuestories: "Uh, Mountain Man? Is it fixed yet? No? How about now? Not yet? Now? What about NOW?"

By the powers vested in LINKSYS ( and with three family members praying really hard together), the internet connection lights up once again on dear, dear, laptop (who, by the way, readers, needs a name---any suggestions? Perhaps I will run my first ever contest on mysuestories for the reader who can come up with the best "screen" name for my lap top---more on this tomorrow!!!)

Anyway, thankfully, we are all up and running within three minutes of family meltdown. Nothing like a major family crisis to pull us together here!

I hop on the mysuestories home page, and I see a notice saying this site will be under maintenance at four p.m. pdt. WTF? PDT? I live in EST ( and no, not the ohmm kind of EST)---
"Mountain Man? What time is it here when it's four pm EST?"
Right about now, I'm feeling a little PMS with a kicker of OCD, and a touch of "Go F-yourself" thrown in for good measure.
"Four pm PDT is seven PM EST, mysuestories," he answers with the patience of a man who deserves much more than the scowl I am giving him.
"But, Mountain Man, it's ten minutes till seven now, and I STILL haven't posted mysuestory today." I pout, as only I can do.
"Well, that I can't change, so stop yer bitchin' and get to typing," he replied.
And so I did. I quit my bitching and got to typing. And seconds later, I hear most honorable son number one:
"Hey, how come the phone in my room isn't working?"

And so, the member of OUR family least likely to use electronics is headed back to the underground hell hole that is our cellar to "fix" the phone line. (Which probably means the Mountain Man is going to be ripping out every single wire in the entire house in mere minutes!!)

Ain't modern living just grand?

Dancing With Scars

Dance class 101 tonight. We've decided that between the Mountain man and I, we have four left feet and SIX funny bones.

We can't dance worth a lick...(well, that maybe a little harsh---) HE can't dance worth a lick, and I don't do solo. So basically, we're toast on the dance floor.

We are learning(?heh?) to do the cha cha, and I just know all of Latin America and South America AND parts of North America are in tears tonight. A simple little step---(quick, quick, sloooooow...quick,quick, sloooooow) and we are completely inept.

I've got two college degrees, and the Mountain Man is a whiz at all things trivia and Jeopardy related-together , we are the epitome of walking useless intelligence,...
(Really, just ask me what the capital of Wisconsin is......Madison....)
Turn on the music, and we are truly f***ked!
Mysuestories? It looks like a weird bird's ritualistic mating dance. And the Mountain Man? His cha cha looks as if he is trying to stomp out the entire population of cockroaches in a two foot space.

AND his idea of placing his hand on my shoulder blade for gentle directional guidance is to propel me in whatever direction his two left feet are currently taking HIM (Usually LEFT!). However, when he uses that handle on my shoulder blade to guide me home when I'm drunk? Perfectly OK. On the dance floor? Not so much.

Hmmmm. Maybe if we drink when we dance......
Stay tuned, constant reader. I've got an idea that will either have us Dancing With The Stars or Drunk With The Hobos......

Happy Birthday, Mr. Mountain Man

Well, it's been another week of celebrating here at mysuestories manor. It was the Mountain Man's birthday, and of course we could only do that which he enjoys so much. We partied!
He started the weekend by splitting a huge 20 pound (well, nearly!) chocolate cake with our youngest household reveler. That cake never stood a chance!

The next night we went to a party at a local pubbery where a good friend was having a celebration for HER 50th birthday! Talk about details! The invitation alone was 12 pages long! That's not an invite!!! That's a manual!

Anyway, this dear and talented friend turned her celebration into a fundraiser for her favorite charity! What a great way to give a gift, huh? She raised A LOT of $$$$ for a great cause, AND she made/bought over fifty great gifts and prizes that were auctioned off to everyone!!!

It was a wonderfully selfless way to celebrate and we were really glad to have been a part of it! We came home with tons of prizes!!

And the best part? I told the Mountain Man it was HIS party! Heh!

Third Time's a Charm

It's not always easy being the "trophy wife", ie: "not the wife I married and intended to grow old and fat with".

This, dear reader. is NOT a choice. It's the reality that has become my life. I have been married three times (thus far---sorry, Mountain Man, I just HAD to add THAT in!!!)
Not ONCE out of three was I the first choice. Nope. Mysuestories must be in the bargain aisle, cause I am ALWAYS second (not yet third, thank you, Jesus!) choice.
I guess I should be thankful I am NOT the starter wife, although SHE generally makes out better with child support than subsequent families!---We here at the Dollar Store tend to be thankful for ANYTHING WE GET....and if we don't, well, we will go after that later!!!

But, dear reader, practice makes perfect! Third time IS a charm! And I wouldn't change the long and winding road that led me to the Mountain Man's door! Now I've just gotta convince him to change THAT door with a pretty stained glass one I've got all picked out. After all, I only said I wouldn't change the journey. The destination? THAT'S another story!

Entertainment Brought to You by Rocket Scientists!

The Three-toed sloth in our home just finished filling out an on-line job application for the local movie theatre chain, where he hopes to fill popcorn buckets and rip tickets in half for most likely minimum wage (less than eight bucks an hour in our home state.)
For such an auspicious position, he had to fill out a twenty-five page questionnaire, not including five pages of personal information.
Most questions went like this:
When people annoy me, I react violently.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree
Or like this:
When I finish one job function, I tend to goof off.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree
Or my personal favorite:
People who move slowly really get me mad.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree

Why not just come right out and ask:
Are you so stupid that you cannot answer these questions in a favorable manor?
Or, how about:
Do you really want to work here, or is your momsuestories making you fill out the application, AND making sure you are not so stupid that you cannot answer these questions in a favorable manor?

After 25 grueling pages, the last page asked (voluntarily, of course) for his gender (male, we think, so far), and then for his ethnicity, with one choice each for Asian, black, and white, but with FOUR choices for Hispanic, Latino, Mexican, and mixed Hispanic-(Aren't they ALL Hispanic? And why does spell check insist on CAPITALIZING those choices, but black and white are simply lower case choices?) I must say, I was pushing for the sloth to put in African Asian, but unless he's got a real good tan and his eyes appear that he's smoked an ounce of premium mojo, I don't think he could pull it off.

I gotta tell ya, I've taken state police exams (Random mysuestories fact---Note: This MAY be on the mid-term!),anyway, the police ask less information than the movie theatre. Maybe that's why the police suicide/spousal abuse rate is so much higher than the local movie workers union! ( I can't say THIS is a fact, maybe the movie theatre workers DO beat up their wives and hang themselves after having too sit through too many Miley Cyrus movies, but I'm guessing, no.)

So, hopefully, the three toed sloth will be employed soon. Unless he fails the physical. They will probably have Olympic sprinting to the soda pop machine and back, and maybe fastest ticket ripping events. The finale? Probably who can squirt the liquid butter on the popcorn while still filling the bucket at a five foot distance.

Geez, maybe if he'd chosen a minority status, they would let him squirt the butter from three feet....

The Scene of The Crime

Top Of the morning To You, my fine readers!
As promised, (although a little late, thanks to me thieving Nephew!)...mysuestories brings you her St. Patrick's Day celebration, otherwise known as Why I Woke Up With a HUGE Headache!
We started with a traditional hometown parade, which wouldn't be complete without a least a few men wearing skirts (OK< they can CALL them kilts, but they are STILL men in skirts!

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

Hey, who IS the big guy with that adorable little lass?
And, of course, we had our share of leprechauns:

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

Even a few not so little leprechauns:

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

We had fire trucks decked out in green..

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

But I'll bet OURS was the only parade with one of these in it all decked out:

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

No parade would be complete without a decorated hearse complete with funereal flowers!
Oh, and while I KNOW those are my girls on the right, I'm not quite so sure who the other two belong to....I believe it was at THIS point that my dear camera changed hands!

From ST PADDYS DAY 1

Thank goodness it was NOT Girls Nite Out!!!

Hope your St. Patty's Day was just as fun!
And may the luck of the Irish be with you and yours this year!