STOP!!! THIEF!!!!!

Okay, let me fess up right up front here: This idea started over at www.TalesFromtheDadSide.blogspot.com , so by all means, take a moment to check out the original. Then come on back to my side of the trailer park and this is what you'll find:

In his post, Sci Fi Dad ponders what five words he thinks his kids would use to describe him in the future. It's a well written post with some shining parenting examples. Actually, his whole blog is a prime example of How To Parent a Future Harvard Grad. If that's what you like, you'd better head back on over to The Dad Side, 'cause homey don't roll like that, yo. Here at mysuestories manor? We are all about teaching our younguns the proper way to say, "Would you like fries with that?"

But I thought I'd go with the 5 Words I HOPE My Children Would Use to Describe Me

1. Motivational ---All that yelling and screaming to get their asses to school on time had to impart something positive on the little buggers, no?

2. Organized --Hey, there's a reason I am the Queen of All Things Lost. I simply put shit back in it's rightful place. Really. No higher education needed.

3. Nurturing. This one I OWN. Those little somb*tches have been sponging off of me for years. Who else's rugrats go through a week's worth of groceries within ten minutes of carrying it all through the door (by myself?) And here's the kicker......I also have to supply the toilet paper. You know...For when it exits the little f*ckers.

Word number 4-
4. Life teaching. Yep, I calls 'em like I see 'em. For instance, it isn't easy imparting the brutal honesty of "If you break your neck on that sled/skateboard/ski/car/etc., I'm gonna kill you!" In our house? That is a viable threat. And no, I am not kidding.

5. Loving. It's true. See #4. Only a mom filled with love would be willing to take away the very life she created and nurtured and then entrusted to them. I'd rather they go out my way. At least they'd have clean matching clothes on at the time!

That's' what I HOPE they would say when describing me. But I'm no fool. This is what they'd probably say.

1. Cheap. Everything is too much money to buy something so useless. And who would call a 54" flat screen HDTV for the new XBox360 useless?

2. Poor. See #1. Cheap.

3. Unfashionably fashionable. Is it really that important to wear colors that match? And why in the world do we have to separate winter clothes from summer clothes? Did it ever kill a kid to wear long sleeves in August?

4. Neat Freak. Does a bed have to be made? And sheets on those beds? Totally overrated.

5. Tardy. Maybe if she got up a little earlier in the morning, we wouldn't always be running around late to everything. She could use an extra ten minutes to get our stuff together for us.


Sigh. Hope is such a big word...


And as for #3? No, dear reader. Little Johnny did not die from wearing a long sleeve shirt in the summer (probably with clashing corduroy pants). It was his mother who died. Of embarrassment.