Thursday, May 22, 2014
this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part
Someone HAS to ask the question, so I guess it will have to be mysuestories.......reputation be d@mned! Why the h#ll do college dorm room beds have to be "extra long twin" sized? (Which, by the way? Only adds an additional 4.7 inches to a "standard" twin sized bed)......Why, yes, dear reader, I DID research, AND measure....thank you for asking! The dorm room is the ONLY place you will ever have (and therefore need to special order proper fitting sheets) the extra long twin size bed...... I am thinking it is all about getting you to spend an additional $60. per sheet set that only comes in sets of TWO!!!!!!! (IE: $120!).....Which? Coincidentally? Can be conveniently ordered from the college store in advance....Two complete sheet sets/4 pillow cases/ 1 reversible extra long twin comforter/ mattress cover /thermal blanket/2 pillows/ 4 towels/4 wash cloths/ and 2 bath sheets....all in your (read: the gamester's) choice of patterns. (We are now conveniently up to $220 (plus tax (but wait...There is FREE SHIPPING).All this, so that one helicopter mom (without a landing pad, ie: mysuestories ) can sleep well knowing that her college-bound child ....the same one who does NOT KNOW what stationery is..(see previous post!)....will not be sleeping short-sheeted.... ...(And? To be perfectly honest? We ALL know the gamester ( and most other college bound young men) Will NEVER use that second set of extra long twin sized sheets--only sold in sets of two- because most colleges frown upon doting mothers arriving on campus every other week to change their bed sheets! (Not to mention the frowns/scowls/eye-rolling/and otherwise unhappy facial features of the actual son/child/student..when mommy lands on the college heliport bi-weekly!) Again? Need I mention? This IS the same child/man-child/about to be living on his own-college bound son...that refuses to adjust (or pick up off the trash -laden floor of his current bedroom) the 800 thread count fitted sheets I have previously procured for his NOT AN EXTRA LONG TWIN SIZED BED! The self-proclaimed top sheet? (Again sent in sets of two!) May as well be used for lettering on fraternity flags........ And assuming he DOES actually change these interchangeable/otherwise useless sheets occasionally ? What the heck am I supposed to do with them after he graduates ...Ok...so I am assuming a LOT right now!? Do I just suck it up big time and order an extra long twin sized bed that just may go in what we now call the "previous bedrooms of the children we adore and love", yet hope they never, ever, have to move back into? Assuming, of course, that all future house-guests (that does NOT mean YOU, current children!!!) will be single (re: twin size), and of lengthy stature (ok, that rules out you, Burke!) I am hereby calling all fans/mysuestories fanatics(all two of you)/and other rebels of the internetz...WE THE PEOPLE DEMAND NORMAL SIZE BEDDING FOR OUR OFF SPRING THAT WE ENTRUST TO YOUR CARE!!!! Either that, or they ..meaning the big-buck sucking college----should include the cost of extra long twin bedding as just one more addition to the already really, really long list of things included in tuition costs (besides actual education! ) In the slightly adapted words of John Belushi..."Who's with me?!!!!" t? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! Otter: Germans? Boon: Forget it. He's rolling. Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough . . . the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go! C'mon! [He runs out of the room screaming but then returns.] Bluto: What the fuck happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh?! This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst! "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well, JUST KISS MY ASS FROM NOW ON!!! Not me! I'm not gonna take this! Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, DEAD! Niedermeyer— Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. [Otter stands up.] We gotta take these bastards. Now, we could fight 'em with conventional weapons. That could take years and cost millions of lives. Oh no. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part...... Bluto: And we're just the guys to do it. [Boon and D-Day stand.] Boon: Let's do it. Bluto: Let's do it! [Everybody cheers and starts running out of the room, with Bluto still standing there.] Bluto: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!