Thursday, April 9, 2009

Take Me Out To the Ball Game? Not Before Lunch!

Certain songs evoke specific emotions and behaviours in people. It's true. Put on an old Bruce Springsteen ballad, and I'm sure to be driving way over the speed limit, hand surfing as I sing along at the top of my (very out of key) lungs!

Playing a little Marvin Gaye? You know somebody's gonna be gettin' it on.

Back to the 70's...Play a little Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and I'm scrubbing the floors. (Weird, no? But that damned "Our House"? Gets me every time! ) Needless to say, I usually hide that CD till springtime. Oh, and constant reader? Let's just keep that little secret here, safely away from the mountain man's prying eyes, OK? Thanks.

My real weakness song, though....The Star Spangled Banner. Crazy? Yes. But true. Years ago, the only time I ever heard that song was at the beginning of a sporting event, with most of the audience lip-syncing through words they barely knew.

Now? Since 9/11, every single radio station plays that song precisely at noon, as a show of the solidarity of the American people. I'm all for this kind of camaraderie. Really. For the first couple of years, hearing that song would get me all teary eyed. I looked forward to that warm feeling that the people of America were once again united together.

But eventually, I realized I was nothing more than Pavlov's dog. Now, I hear those first notes of The Star Spangled Banner, and before you can sing, "Oh say can you see..." I'm running to grab my lunch. The entire nation is banding together, and all I can think about is , "What did the mountain man pack me for lunch?" (Yea, I know. I'm spoiled that way.)

I'm telling you, it's gotten so bad, I'm afraid to go to a baseball game for fear of attacking the hot dog hawker "by dawn's early light"!

Some how, in my very convoluted, paranoid reasoning, I'm thinking this was the whole plan by Bin Laden from the start. First, a devastating attack. Then, they lull us into a sense of false security and togetherness by plying us with an American anthem. Then, while we are all running for our lunches, our human bodies are replaced with Stepford-like pods.

Time to start building the underground bunker? Maybe. Time to increase mysuestories meds? Definitely. But just to be on the safe side? I'm starting to eat my lunch at 11:30. Somebody has got to be on watch when they come with the pods at noon time!

Again, thanks for reading, dear reader. And don't forget to enter our first mysuestories contest here:

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