Been There, Done That

I read. A lot. There was a time I would hit the local Walden Books (remember life before Borders? No coffee, no sitting area, just books.... No? Then you must be under thirty!) Anyway, I'd peruse the book stores a few hours a month, leaving with stacks of books. Some where along the course of this story I call my life, new release hardcovers soared to $35.00 apiece (???!!!), and while I love you, Stephen King, even I cannot justify $35.00 for a 48 hour affair (especially since I'm curled up with an eight pound book at three in the morning; a very unforgiving lover should you have the misfortune to fall asleep on top of it). So, I gave up buying the latest Best Sellers so that I could buy groceries for my kids. (Okay, okay--so the mountain man technically does the food shopping. And the cooking. I am taking creative license here...I sacrificed my personal library collection so my kids could have Hot Pockets in the freezer- I am that kind of parent, yo.)
So, it comes to pass that I now visit my local library at least two or three times a month (hey, I'm willing to feed the little f*@kers pre processed microwaveable dinners, but that doesn't mean I have to actually spend time with them, does it?) - So, I have been known to get lost in the pages of said library for hours at a time. (Little known mysuestories fact: I would love to own a book store, and I'd make the mystery section unmarked and really hard to find. And if a customer asked, "Where's the mystery section?" I'd totally answer..."That is a great question. Happy hunting!")
Anyway, while I'd love to spend hours in the local library aimlessly wandering amongst the pages of trees long dead, in reality? Not so much fun. Most library trips are tucked in amongst other errands on any given day, so, many times I barge through the doors and scoop up books at random (think 60 second supermarket shopping spree where you rush through the aisles filling your cart with anything and everything, except with pages fluttering behind you instead of dented cans of Green Giant french style green beans).
This method is an effective time saver, and it does have its' perks. I often find myself enjoying something I might not have otherwise chosen. On the other hand, many times I have found myself five pages (okay, okay...maybe twenty pages....alright, some times fifty pages....but never more than a hundred pages) --a few pages into a book, when I realize that I have already read that particular book. Not a big deal. After all, I read. A lot, remember? Nothing wrong with forgetting the occasional book title. Or so I thought.
Last week, I was plowing through the five or six books I currently had on my library table. (Yes, I know, constant reader..I am a nerd..I do actually have a library table. With two piles of books on it. The Read and the To Be Read piles. Hey, don't judge, okay?) I read a book and then continue on to the next in the stack. And all is happy in mysuestories manor. Until last week.

Last week, I reached for the next book in my To Be Read pile. It had been third in my To Be Read pile, but I had already polished off the first two, which were now sitting in The Read pile, and so this book was now number one in the coveted To Be Read pile ( We can discuss my OCD tendencies at another time, okay?). I started to read this coveted spot book (Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart -if you must know!)....and I quickly realized (within thirty pages, okay?) that I had read this book before.....So, I took this recently coveted To Be Read book and placed it in The Read pile. And that's when I saw it....

From Double Day Books

I had read that very same book only one book ago!!!!!!!! Jodi Picoult's Change of Heart was , in fact, numbers one and three in that rotation!!!!! Worse? I had taken both books out with the same title, by the same author, on the same day!!!!! Hello? Have I completely lost my marbles? And what, for the love of Christ, was the fricking Librarian thinking when I checked out two books with the same author and title? Me, and my secondary personality (A la Sybil?) read at different speeds and don't share well with others?


In my defense? There were different book jackets on each book. And they were different colors.

From Double Day Books

Okay...That is weak. The mountain man? He was pleased with this latest evidential proof of my ultimate mental demise. He's decided that when the time comes that I can no longer get to the library of my own accord, that he will simply pick up a book lying nearby, walk out the back door and say "mysuestories? I am off to the library to procure a new book for you, because that is how much I adore your being". He will then walk around to the front door with that very same book and declare, "my love, I have returned with a new novel for you!"

B@stard!!!! I only hope I can remember to be pissed at him when he does do that. In the mean time? Bring me back a big fat Stephen King novel, sweetie....As long as I am destined to forget the present? May as well have that imaginary literary affair!!!!!!(Oh, Stephen, your books are sooooooo big........)