Wednesday, March 25, 2009


We are officially a "connected" family here at mysuestories manor. Wirelessly connected, but held together by a very strong bond indeed!

First I log on Facebook. (Yes,dear interventionists, I am still using, however, I'm down to about two hits a day. Ok, ok, sometimes, three or six, but none of that all nighter stuff, I promise. Really.)

So, I pick up my drug of choice,er, I mean, I log on to Facebook and I start surfing my comments, catching up with my fellow 12 step dropouts. I go click on to "Show More Comments", and windows explorer tells me I am "Out of Memory at line 23".

Lines? Who was doing lines? And 23!?! Shit! Who even does that crap any more?

Furthermore, I was over thirty-five when my memory started to go, nowhere near 23.

Then, my facebook page movements slowed down to a crawl. I'm slamming keys and cursing the Gods of Bill Gates Brain, and nothing is going my way.

Then, Internet Explorer is experiencing a problem, and wants to shut down. Internet Explorer is having a goddamn problem? What about mysuestories issues?

The Mountain Man, the member of our family least likely to actually use electronics of any kind, heads to the dungeon beneath our house and tries to decipher a gaggle of thousands of wires. By some miracle of St. Gates, the patron saint of the internet, the Mountain Man shuts down our wireless service for a mere nano second before rebooting the system.

Within seconds, the waking dead are screeching their death call here at mysuestories mansion of maniacs.

Most honorable son number one:"Hey, who messed up my internet connection?!"
Son number three, our gaming addict, is frothing at the mouth as he sputters, "MY X BOX LIVE IS BROKEN!!!!!"
Um, yea, that and two window panes from the shrill sonic vibrations of his primal screams.
Mercifully, son number two was spared this excruciating agony by being at a friend's house with uninterrupted wireless service the day the music died.

And then there's mysuestories: "Uh, Mountain Man? Is it fixed yet? No? How about now? Not yet? Now? What about NOW?"

By the powers vested in LINKSYS ( and with three family members praying really hard together), the internet connection lights up once again on dear, dear, laptop (who, by the way, readers, needs a name---any suggestions? Perhaps I will run my first ever contest on mysuestories for the reader who can come up with the best "screen" name for my lap top---more on this tomorrow!!!)

Anyway, thankfully, we are all up and running within three minutes of family meltdown. Nothing like a major family crisis to pull us together here!

I hop on the mysuestories home page, and I see a notice saying this site will be under maintenance at four p.m. pdt. WTF? PDT? I live in EST ( and no, not the ohmm kind of EST)---
"Mountain Man? What time is it here when it's four pm EST?"
Right about now, I'm feeling a little PMS with a kicker of OCD, and a touch of "Go F-yourself" thrown in for good measure.
"Four pm PDT is seven PM EST, mysuestories," he answers with the patience of a man who deserves much more than the scowl I am giving him.
"But, Mountain Man, it's ten minutes till seven now, and I STILL haven't posted mysuestory today." I pout, as only I can do.
"Well, that I can't change, so stop yer bitchin' and get to typing," he replied.
And so I did. I quit my bitching and got to typing. And seconds later, I hear most honorable son number one:
"Hey, how come the phone in my room isn't working?"

And so, the member of OUR family least likely to use electronics is headed back to the underground hell hole that is our cellar to "fix" the phone line. (Which probably means the Mountain Man is going to be ripping out every single wire in the entire house in mere minutes!!)

Ain't modern living just grand?

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