Entertainment Brought to You by Rocket Scientists!

The Three-toed sloth in our home just finished filling out an on-line job application for the local movie theatre chain, where he hopes to fill popcorn buckets and rip tickets in half for most likely minimum wage (less than eight bucks an hour in our home state.)
For such an auspicious position, he had to fill out a twenty-five page questionnaire, not including five pages of personal information.
Most questions went like this:
When people annoy me, I react violently.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree
Or like this:
When I finish one job function, I tend to goof off.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree
Or my personal favorite:
People who move slowly really get me mad.
A) Strongly Agree
B) Agree
C) Disagree
D) Strongly Disagree

Why not just come right out and ask:
Are you so stupid that you cannot answer these questions in a favorable manor?
Or, how about:
Do you really want to work here, or is your momsuestories making you fill out the application, AND making sure you are not so stupid that you cannot answer these questions in a favorable manor?

After 25 grueling pages, the last page asked (voluntarily, of course) for his gender (male, we think, so far), and then for his ethnicity, with one choice each for Asian, black, and white, but with FOUR choices for Hispanic, Latino, Mexican, and mixed Hispanic-(Aren't they ALL Hispanic? And why does spell check insist on CAPITALIZING those choices, but black and white are simply lower case choices?) I must say, I was pushing for the sloth to put in African Asian, but unless he's got a real good tan and his eyes appear that he's smoked an ounce of premium mojo, I don't think he could pull it off.

I gotta tell ya, I've taken state police exams (Random mysuestories fact---Note: This MAY be on the mid-term!),anyway, the police ask less information than the movie theatre. Maybe that's why the police suicide/spousal abuse rate is so much higher than the local movie workers union! ( I can't say THIS is a fact, maybe the movie theatre workers DO beat up their wives and hang themselves after having too sit through too many Miley Cyrus movies, but I'm guessing, no.)

So, hopefully, the three toed sloth will be employed soon. Unless he fails the physical. They will probably have Olympic sprinting to the soda pop machine and back, and maybe fastest ticket ripping events. The finale? Probably who can squirt the liquid butter on the popcorn while still filling the bucket at a five foot distance.

Geez, maybe if he'd chosen a minority status, they would let him squirt the butter from three feet....