Thursday, March 5, 2009

Denephew is Deniece?

Well, constant reader, I think you've paid enough dues (and read more than a few stories that have left you wondering how you could have better spent your time!), and we (meaning me) here at mysuestories believe every good turn should be harshly punished, er, um, greatly rewarded.
And today's reward is Let's Meet The Family!
Our first willing (well, probably would be if I took a chance and asked !) contestant on Let's Meet The Family would be your favorite relative and certainly one of mine:
De Nephew
From De Nephew

(Psst...She's the one on the left!) Ain't she just beautiful?

What say you, oh faithful reader? Girls can't be nephews? Hah! You've obviously never followed the mysuestories family tree too closely!
It all began 23 years ago (or about seven months before the marriage of De Nephew's parents- which is a whole other post!)

(Insert dream like music here, dear reader, while we travel back to the 1980's--------)

The Mountain Man's brother and his not -mathematically-soon-enough-to-be bride were expecting a baby! As the first off spring to appear in this the next generation of the Mountain Man's Geneology Continues (and with a bride of no prior relations blood "we think!", to boot), the birth of said spawn was as greatly anticipated as that of the annual chasing of the bulls through Madrid!

And as with all things great and small in our clan, what's a soon to be uncle to do? Why he placed a bet with his cousin on the gender of said love child.

"A boy it shall be," declared my Mountain Man to the masses.

"Nope, it's sure to be a girl," taunted cousin Black Jack, who himself was the proud producer of a child of the female virility.

"I'm telling you," insisted Mountain Man,"We are born of virile male stock, and will reproduce just that!"

A proper wager was then decided upon, for money was not nearly of enough importance upon which to place such a bet. A prominent local saloon was chosen (probably the same one in which the original bet was made!) and it was determined by all of the toilers of the land (read fellow drunken bar buddies) that the loser of the aforementioned gender guessing would bare it all for all who could bear it in the front window of said distinguished establishment.

Well, the months went by, and the bun was abaking. Finally, the long awaited moment arrived. This child, the first of a new generation of Mountain Men heritage was ready to make it's appearance!

Unfortunately, this glorious occassion coincided with the wedding of another young couple in love (and one not of necessity), but just as coincidentally, the bride at this wedding is the aunt of the mother to be. ( Have ya got that, y'all?) Can I get a yee-haw?

Well, with Poppa Bear in a tuxedo, and Momma Bear doing the driving, (hey, we do abide by the DUI laws of the land--it's the laws of nature that we have a little trouble with...)

Well, lo and behold, and the first off spring arrives in the form of sugar and spice, and naked Mountain Man in public is defintely not nice!

So, when Black Jack came to the hospital bearing gifts to greet the new whippersnapper, the Mountain Man was there to meet him. They rode up in the elevator together to the nursery, and there, for all to see, the mountain man proclaimed, "Black Jack, I'd like you meet my nephew, Jen."

And upon reflection of the thought of Mountain Man baring it all, well, it was more than they could bear. And so, by the powers invested in the townfolk by the state of inebriation, it was decided that the only honorable way to keep the Mountain Man's loincloth in place was to indeed declare the newborn babe a nephew!

And she was beloved by all.
From De Nephew

Well, almost all. But then again, her newest, most favorite cousin may have been following in the family footsteps at the time.

From De Nephew

Well, thanks for stopping by. Come back next week when we discuss Aunt Bessie's bunions!

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

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