Tuesday, April 14, 2009

When Is a Flower Not A Flower?

It has been confirmed by The Guiness Book of World Records that the longest living dog right now is 21 years old. (That's 147, to you and me, Lorne Greene!) As if having a dog who surely must be wearing Depends diapers at the very best scenario is not bad enough, said dog is a dauschund.
Those of you who know mysuestories, (and if you DO NOT,why the heck aren't you reading more?) you are well aware of our doggy threesome. In. Every. Sense. Of. The. Word.

From Doggy Do Doggy

You are probably also well aware that the mountain man has about as much love for these mongrels as he does for dengue fever. (Although, they could be classified as Mounting Dogs (at least Mickey-the little red one.) Bruno would technically be a Mounted Dog. Mountain Man....Mounting dogs...I dunno, I feel a connection here. Obviously one that surpasses the mountain man's heart of iron when it comes to our pooches.

Anyway, the mountain man DOES have a heart when it comes to our children, and hence the dogs have yet to end up in a soup pot thus far.....But if they ever do, I promise, it will appear in recipe form at "In The Kitchen With The Mountain Man" .

However, now faced with the knowledge that we may well be facing another DECADE with these dogs, lets just say, mysuestories and the mountain man have made a pact that we wouldn't bring any other animals into the household. After all, we will have raised and kicked out/ groomed into self supporting adults our children, and these dogs might still be alive!!!!! And possibly in diapers, or little wheel chair contraptions that they will drag along behind them when their legs are too feeble and frail to carry them. Jeez, the mountain man and I haven't even agreed to care for one another like that, no less these useless mongrels!!!

So it was mutually agreed upon that no other animals, fish, snakes, geckos, lizards, spiders, ants ( die, mother f*ckers! I HATE ants!) would take up residence at mysuestories manor.

And then came Easter morning. And the mountain man and our gaming expert/xbox addict ran an unexpected errand. They returned with this:

From In The Kitchen

And this:

From In The Kitchen

All this on top of this one received the day before from Miss Patty and family. (Aw, shucks, thanks guys, I love you, too.)

From In The Kitchen

Aren't they just gorgeous flowers? The average woman would embrace her man and man child and smother them with kisses. Not mysuestories. I immediately got suspicious!

Well of course you would think they were simply flowers, wouldn't you, dear reader. But in fact, they were not. They were a distraction to keep me from noticing the OTHER item the gamester and mountain man snuck in the house.

They also bought a living, breathing this!
From Easter and cooking

It's A Venus Fly Trap!

Apparently Killer(as he is so far undeservedly named) will grow a mouth (or three!)with lots of little teeth that will eat bugs that have the misfortune to think he is just another pretty flower to pollinate, or raw chopmeat handfed by our gaming addict who is apparently willing to learn how to play Xbox with missing fingers!!!!

Later, I grabbed the mountain man by the neck and asked him how he could cave in so easily, that what if next time the kid wanted a cat(blech) or worse, a turtle that might outlive us all! And his answer?

"mysuestories, when this thing grows," stated the object of my affections," maybe it will like hot dogs as well as chop meat."

Pure genius, he is! Now all I gotta do is find hot dog buns big enough for dauchshunds!!!!

Thanks for reading, constant reader!

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